March 6

Unpacking Shame: Neurodivergence and Kink


Welcome back, besties, or greetings if you’re new here. Today’s blog post is inspired by a heartfelt comment I received on Instagram, delving into the complex intersection of neurodivergence and kink. Let’s dive right in.

The Shame of Neurodivergent Symptoms and Kink

The comment that sparked this discussion resonated deeply with me. It highlighted the struggle of navigating shame associated with both neurodivergent symptoms and kink or fetish preferences. In our society, neurodivergent traits are often stigmatized, leading to feelings of otherness and shame. When you add kink into the mix, a topic still shrouded in taboo, the layers of complexity multiply.

Each individual’s experience with neurodivergence is unique, just as each person’s journey through kink varies. From ADHD to autism, our symptoms manifest differently, and the shame we feel surrounding them can be overwhelming. Whether it’s forgetting social cues due to ADHD or finding solace in sensory play as an autistic individual, there’s a common thread of feeling like we don’t quite fit the mold society expects.

Navigating Two Communities: Neurodivergence and Kink

Many of us find ourselves straddling two worlds: the neurodivergent community and the kink/BDSM community. While there is some overlap between these spheres, there are also distinct challenges that arise from belonging to both. Understanding and navigating these complexities requires mindfulness and intentionality.

Within each community, there may be individuals who don’t fully embrace the intersection of neurodivergence and kink. Some may view it as incompatible or even wrong. This internal conflict can compound the shame already associated with being neurodivergent or having unconventional desires.

Finding Acceptance and Setting Boundaries

One strategy for coping with shame is setting boundaries and surrounding yourself with understanding and accepting individuals. It’s essential to create spaces where you feel safe to be authentic without fear of judgment or rejection. This may involve limiting interactions with people who don’t respect your identity or desires, as I’ve experienced in my own journey.

I vividly recall a cabin trip where a friend made disparaging remarks about certain sexual practices. In that moment, I set a boundary and asserted my own preferences, refusing to tolerate judgment or shame. It’s crucial to advocate for yourself and cultivate environments where you feel empowered to express your true self.

The Intersection of ADHD and Kink Communities

Now, let’s explore the unique intersection of the ADHD and kink communities. As someone who identifies with both, I’ve navigated the challenges and discovered valuable insights along the way. While there’s overlap between these communities, they also offer distinct benefits and experiences.

For me, engaging with the ADHD community provided a sense of validation and normalization of my symptoms. It was comforting to connect with others who shared similar experiences and to realize that I wasn’t alone in my struggles. However, as I gained a deeper understanding of my ADHD, my needs evolved, and I found myself seeking different sources of support and connection.

Embracing Growth and Change

As we journey through life, our interests and needs evolve, and it’s essential to embrace this growth and change. Recognizing the value of each community and understanding how they contribute to our well-being can empower us to navigate shame and find acceptance.

Whether you’re exploring neurodivergence, kink, or both, remember that it’s okay to move in and out of different spaces as needed. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, and don’t hesitate to set boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Final Thoughts

Thank you for joining me on this exploration of shame, neurodivergence, and kink. Remember that you are not alone in your journey, and there are communities out there that embrace and celebrate your uniqueness. As you continue to navigate life’s complexities, may you find acceptance, joy, and fulfillment in being your authentic self. Until next time, take care, besties.


adhd, BDSM

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