Hello, welcome to calls with your kinky bestie. I'm Emma. I am a submissive and mentor for fellow kinksters. This podcast is all about insights into kinky life and dating, sharing my personal experience and stories, and helps your mindset shifts too, to get you into a confident space. more confident than you are now. Get ready, it all starts now. Hello, bestie. Oh, my God, I had such a fucking revelation around manifesting the other day, and I'm here to fucking share it and make some shifts for you, get you thinking about this in this way too, so that you can start getting the fucking life that you want, where kinky shit's on the table. You've got kinky connections and relationships and your life set up for it, and you get to have the kinky play and all the fucking shit that I want for you. but today we're going to talk about it in terms of something in 2024. A lot of us understand and as part of our lives to understand. And it's algorithms, like social media algorithms, like digital algorithms. it's just kind of a different way of looking at manifesting. M so I think especially if you are a more literal human who struggles with vague kind of out there woo woo. topics of manifesting, or even if you do, but you have a hard time grounding it, I'm going to tell you how you can start grounding it with this idea of algorithms, how you can literally use algorithms to start making your life more kinky, in the digital space, but also how to do this and your whole life holistically beyond that.

But first, we're going to talk about Facebook marketplace, which was the birth of this, revelation for me. So come with me on this little story, time of my win, and I swear to God, I promise afterwards I will tell you how you can apply all of this shit to, creating an algorithm for your own kinky life, like outside of couches and furniture. Okay. Okay. So the story is, I am a Facebook marketplace, girly. If you, for some reason, don't know what that is, it is like an online, digital, secondhand marketplace where people share. I look for furniture on there, but people share everything from clothes to sometimes services. it's based on what's local to you. You're usually going somewhere local and picking it up from just, like, a person. It's usually someone selling, like, just their own stuff secondhand. It's not really like, you know, there's not a ton of businesses completely run on Facebook. It's more for you know, just humans who are like moving on from stuff and wanting to get rid of it and make some money for it instead of just throwing good stuff away. Anyways, so I love using Facebook marketplace for furniture because I've got really specific tastes. I love some good vintage furniture. Some of it, it's not even made anymore, so you kind of need to get it secondhand. And Facebook marketplace is a great way to do it. and there was this couch, there was this couch I wanted. It was so beautiful. it's actually a couch they still make, but it's like thousands and thousands of dollars. and I just wanted to see if I could get a second hand one. because, like, that's cooler than something new anyways, especially for this vintage designer stuff. Like, it's cool if you can get something that's like dated. Anyways, so I was on my little Facebook marketplace search for maybe weeks, maybe longer, where I was searching for this couch. Like I was searching by the manufacturer name, by the name of the couch itself, and I was searching and saving whenever I would find listings that were kind of close and nothing was kind of right. Like, I would get a couch that looked like, perfect, but like the price wasn't what I wanted it to be. or the price was right, but it was the wrong couch. Like, it was damaged or not the right color or way too far away for me to reasonably go pick up and all that good shit. I was showing up and looking for this thing that I wanted. And as I was doing that digitally, I also started making some changes in my own life where I was mentally making space for it. I actually got rid of my old couch before I even had a replacement for it. I was prepping for this couch to come into my life, even though I didn't know where it was going to come from. I just was trusting that the right couch was coming to me and I was fucking over this other couch anyways, so I was doing that. I was also making mental space for it. Like, I was like talking with my partner and my friends about, ah, like this is the kind of thing that I'm looking for and kind of adjusting my brain to the idea of having it. Like how I would set my other furniture up around it and all that kind of stuff. Like I was just preparing, but, I wasn't just doing that stuff. I was also going on Facebook and searching for it and talking to people about it whenever they had it. and just like continuing to search and, and sometimes changing the ways I was searching when it wasn't working, like trying different search terms and stuff. But this went on for a little while and I still wasn't having luck searching and finding exactly the thing that I wanted. and then, but I'm still doing this stuff. I'm still mentally preparing. But one day I opened Facebook marketplace and before I even type in the little search bar, the thing that I'm looking for and filter out by location and stuff, it's on my recommended list. It's like the first thing that comes up is exactly the right couch I want for way cheaper, even, and in way better condition than I was mentally preparing for. So it was even better than what I was hoping for. And just there it was, recommended. it was a little bit of a drive, but it was so cheap. And this is the first time in a few weeks of searching that I'd found it. So because I was ready to go, like, I had the space in my house, I had even, like, I had the cash ready because I was kind of preparing for this thing to come. So I immediately messaged the seller, set up a time, and like, I am on my way to go pick up this fucking couch. I had even like emptied out the trunk of my car. Like, I was ready to go pick up a couch. and then, and I don't even know how this worked because what's so crazy is the listing didn't even have the name of the manufacturer or the name of the couch. Like, it was just like the picture was of the couch that I wanted. but it wasn't even like a stock picture. It was like a picture that they had actually taken of the couch, like in a room. so I sort of got Facebook. Like the algorithm must work on some sort of image recognition or something like that because I don't know how else they could have pieced it together that, like, this couch that didn't really have any good name descriptions that was accurate to what it was. And what I had been searching for was the first thing that they recommended to me. but like, okay, let's like, okay. And then just the cute little stories, I just went and picked it up and it was exactly what it said it was. It was even like, I thought I was picking up a replica. It turned out to not be a replica. It was fucking awesome. And just like everything I could have wanted. And then I got the couch and it's actually not super comfortable and I don't use it a lot, but it's cool. Okay. Anyways. Oh, and then whenever I came home from getting this couch, so funny, I actually, I. Someone on Instagram who does, like, their, their whole account is just that they find cool Facebook marketplace furniture and they post about it and, like, send people the links to go get it. but after I had already come home and picked up this couch, I just was scrolling through my Instagram because I followed this person and they posted about this couch. And it was so funny because, like, all the comments were like, oh, it's already gone. Like, what's, what's going on? It was this little joke, like. Cause it's not even there anyways. but there's a lot of lessons and things I want to take down and pick apart from this, and you might already be picking up on this, but.

Okay. And the first thing I want to share about this is that it's very common that someone who's searching for kink stuff digitally and learning it, learning about it is doing it in incognito mode, usually out of shame or because not everyone in your life knows, but there are a ton of fucking awesome things that can be recommended to you if you're not an incognito mode when you're searching for kink stuff. or a lot of people will, like, even on social media, be looking at stuff, but they won't interact with it because interacting can sometimes seem like, well, then some types of interactions, like, your friends can see, some they can't. But it's just like, you know, if you're feeling shame and wanting to, like, keep this private to yourself, then you don't want other people to see that you're looking for this. and this is to say that, like, if I was doing that on Facebook marketplace, like, if I was going incognito mode searching for this, like, every day, this would not have come up in my algorithm recommendations because incognito mode is not going to allow your search history to be saved and then start curating things for you. so if you are living your life in incognito mode, I really recommend stopping because you have no idea the things that can show up and pop up for you whenever, like, whatever algorithm is able to start learning about you, to recommend to you the thing that you want, because that's what the Internet is trying to do. They're trying to, like, you know, make money and have you be successful on their platforms by, like, getting the thing that you want out of it and recommending you the right thing, whether that's, like selling you a product, connecting you with a person, or just, like, getting your engagement or interaction. and so the more you're able to share that, the more those things are able to actually work for you because it's a positive thing. Like, they're trying to get you the thing that you want. Okay. We derailed a little bit, but, okay, so that was one thing is I was publicly searching. So then I was able to save my recommendations and recommend something to me. I was also searching for it frequently. Like, I didn't just search for it once and give up, in which case it probably wouldn't have been recommended to me. I was constantly searching, and I was also searching in the right app, like, I was right in the source of Facebook marketplace itself, like, where I can immediately talk to the seller. Like, I wasn't just scrolling on this girl's Facebook marketplace of other links that she was posting, because by the time that that link is posted, someone else who's looking for this thing might have already grabbed it. You know, it's that I was looking in the place where I need to find someone, find the thing that I'm wanting. So, for you, this might be if you're trying to date, it's like actually going to a kinky or just like, a dating app where people are gathered together that are also trying to date, rather than trying to find people, like, fishing around in the wild. Who are you just really don't know, or aren't as transparent about it, but, like, you're on Facebook marketplace, there's a price. It is for sale. You can buy it, you know, which is beautiful. So, those were the algorithm things happening as I was publicly searching for this, and I was also interacting with it, like, I was messaging buyers, and I didn't buy the thing that I didn't want. I waited around for the thing that was right and did feel good. So I was showing Facebook the algorithm gods that this is what I'm looking for. Every time I searched for it, I saved it, and I was messaging people, so I was showing them, like, I am ready, to buy. I'm not just gonna click on this and look at it like I am saving it. I'm gonna come back to it. I'm gonna talk to people about it and, like, put in an offer and stuff. Like, I am ready to buy. So that's why it was recommended to me, because Facebook wins whenever someone is able to sell their thing right away to the right person, you know? so those were the algorithm things happening. And let's, like, pause and just break down those first because like, how can you actually apply this to kink? So first of all, getting out of incognito mode if you're not already, and this can be like literally on the Internet digitally, you're getting out of incognito mode. But this can also mean in real life, if you're really talking to people and sharing what you're about, then you can make connections with people who are also kinky. Like someone your friend might recommend to you, like this person that you should meet or this party and all this kind of stuff, which they wouldn't be able to do if you are only posting or sharing anonymously or scrolling, but never interacting. So get out of incognito mode visibly. Be the person who's looking for this thing is a way that you can start doing this. Now, the second takeaway I have for this is to start talking to your algorithm because this couch was recommended to me because I was saving and liking it and talking to buyers about it. So the algorithm is learning, okay, this is the thing that you want. So I'm going to start showing it to you. I notice online that a lot of people are doing the opposite where they are interacting with the stuff they don't like. Like they're commenting like, m but this isn't right or something. or like maybe you're sharing something with a friend that you're trying to like, just like make fun of the person because it's not a thing that you like. but when you do that, like, if I was doing that on Facebook marketplace, if I was messaging sellers about a totally different couch saying like, hey, this couch sucks because it's not vintage, because it's not this brand or whatever, then Facebook would be recommending me those things that I didn't want. And so that's how that happens digitally. Like when you interact with the stuff that you do, like, that's what's shown to you more whenever you're interacting. Because the algorithms, they don't always know if an interaction is positive or negative. It's just going to show you what you're interacting with because you're telling the algorithm that this is the stuff I like to interact with. So it's going to give you more of that same stuff to keep interacting with. So this goes digitally by if you're finding accounts that you like their message, find a way that you can start talking to them or just engaging with it. If you're not ready for that to be visible yet, there are tons of ways that you can engage with something that is anonymous. like, you know, commenting on the polls of their stories is anonymous. Like, your friends aren't going to see that you're doing that. Besides, like the creator will see that, but they probably don't care. you can also like copy links to send to people. Like the Instagram reads that as engagement even though you don't have to send that link anywhere or share with anyone else that this is a thing you like. If you have some friends that are kinky, but maybe your entire following, you don't want to know about this, you could send things directly to your friends. You could message the creators directly and a lot of creators will have ways that you can stay in touch with them. That isn't an Instagram public profile. I have an email list and no one is going to fucking know that you're on my email list besides you. That was a great way to privately stay in touch without broadcasting to the world that you're following me or something. But also I think, you know, so that's like just ways to do if you're like scared on and on the fence of it. but also once you've set up your life where you can be visible, that's when you can get even greater results because then you can comment publicly and then people are going to respond to you and you're going to like make common connections and all that good stuff. but, okay, so that's just the second takeaway is to start talking to your algorithm. So digitally interacting with the stuff you like, instead of whenever you're finding something that you don't like, just scroll past so you're not interested rather than actually engaging with it, because that is what the universe is going to give you more of online. That's how algorithms work. But this is also how this works in real life. The stuff that you interact with is what you're training your brain to see and keep interacting with. So that's what you're going to get more of. So interact with the good shit, ignore the bad, reward the good by interacting with it. so this can also mean like, stop engaging with communities when they're not aligned with the life that you want. Like maybe you have, a friend group who has totally different life goals and is doing different stuff that isn't interesting to you. Well, the more you interact with that, the more you're setting yourself up to go down that path instead of. So the more you're able to focus your energy and engagement on the stuff that you do want, the more you are actively creating that for yourself and your life and telling the universe that that's what you want, too.

Okay. And then the third takeaway I have from this, too, is that, it's basically becoming ready. And I don't mean, like, this isn't about perfection, because obviously we're never, like, we're never perfect. We're never perfectly ready. in my head, when that couch was ready, like, even though I had done those things to set myself up, like, maybe I could have prepped my car a little bit better, or maybe I could have set up my home in a different way so it was even more ready. Or maybe I had other furniture that already matched already and I hadn't done those things yet, so it didn't feel like, okay, I am perfectly ready. It just feels like I am ready enough to bring this into my house and get this, which is really all it takes. So, like, another way that you can look at this that's not a fucking couch is if your dream Dom was going to show up tomorrow or whatever the kinky thing is that you want, what would you wish you had already done to be ready for them? Like, is it already knowing your boundaries? Is it, already having solo experiences so that you know about yourself, know about yourself what you want enough to communicate to somebody else. Even though you'll never fully perfectly be ready, you still need to keep searching. But you also, like, the more you are doing those things that are going to make you feel ready and taking steps in that direction, then the closer you are going to be to it. because the reason you want to avoid perfection, though, is because one year perfection is another word for procrastination to me. That's how I view it. because if you never feel ready, and you're always striving to create this idea of this being ready, which is impossible, then you're never going to let yourself have it. So it's striking that balance between, like, okay, I'm focusing on getting ready and feeling ready, but not about being, like, perfectly ready. Because, like, let's bring this back to the fucking Facebook marketplace couch there. Maybe, let's say there was a more perfect buyer than me available, like someone who already had a whole matching set. And I don't know, maybe even they had a museum that they wanted to put it like they were maybe objectively a more perfect match than me for this couch. But the fact of the matter is, I was the one who went and picked it up. I was the one who was on Facebook marketplace, who sent that message at the right time? Who went and picked it up? Like, I was the one who was ready, not the one who was perfect, you know? So it's just about making yourself ready now so that whenever, you know, it's the thing shows up for you, you feel ready enough to bring into your house. So, yeah, what if your dream job did knock on your door, but you didn't feel ready, so you, like, didn't close the door or you brought them in, but they saw that you're not ready, so they'd left, you know? So just, like, how can you start making yourself ready and taking that imperfect action? Because it doesn't come to the thing that you want. It doesn't come to the most perfect buyer or to the person who wants it the most. It just comes to the person who's most ready to buy because, you know, are you really ready to take this jump and do this thing? It's just about making yourself feel like you are and becoming the most ready buyer, because energetically also, that is what the item wants. It wants to go to the person who is the most ready. Like, Facebook wants to sell that fucking couch. This person wants it out of their house, so they want to get it to the person who's the most ready to do it. Same thing of, like, if your dream bum shows up, they want to go to the person who is ready to be in that relationship that they want, too. They don't want to have to, like, fight and train you on it and, you know, hang out while you, like, work through your shit. They want to be with the person who's, like, the level of ready that they are to do it. so that is what you're going to attract always.

So, okay, I'm going through my notes. I think I got everything here that I wanted to chat about, but that's really what I wanted to share, is just, correlating, manifesting to the algorithm to put this into more tangible terms, a different way to look at it, so you can start applying this to your life today. So. Oh, and then the other piece about this fucking couch is that I was searching for this couch. Like, I knew the search term because I had found the design I liked. I knew the search term, I knew the color I was looking for. So what is the kinky life that you want? What is the next thing that you want? Is it a partner? Is it to have a certain type of scene? Is it to have an experience? Is it to go to an event? What is the next thing that you want and actually making a decision about what that next thing would be that you would like, and then you can start hacking your algorithm accordingly and interacting with things that are going to lead you down that path and taking those steps and mentally preparing for that path. Because if I didn't know I wanted that fucking couch, if I was just looking at vintage furniture, then I wouldn't have been ready in the same way, and it wouldn't have been recommended to me in the same way. So deciding is the most powerful thing that you can do, just deciding what is the next thing that you want. Then once you know that, it's just a matter of hacking the fucking algorithm by searching for it, by telling people you're searching for it, by getting ready for it. and seriously, at the end of that road, it is going to happen. So if there are things that you feel like you've been searching for, take it back through this process, too, and ask yourself, okay, if I was the one on the other, like, if I was the person who had this thing that I want, why would I not give it to myself? And answering that question, you're going to get there, too. Okay, I'll chat with you in the next lovely episode. Thanks for the hanging, in and going on this Facebook marketplace journey with me to get there, and we will chat next week. All right, bye. Thank you so much for joining me. This episode, you can follow the podcast on the platform where you're listening to get updates with new episodes. You can follow me on social media inkybesty. I'm on Instagram. You can also check the show notes for any links or resources that I talked about in this episode or just more ways to connect with me. And please share this with your kinky friends who could benefit from this type of content. there is also an option for each podcast episode to engage with Q and A's or polls. So I love to hear from you and create future episodes around what you want to chime in with. So please check those out in the show notes, too, and I look forward to hearing from you. Bye.