A Buying Guide to Fucking Machines

I do not have all 4 of the fucking machines shown here so I can’t give you the specifics of EACH, but I can tell you about my machine, summarize my findings about the alternative toys we researched and considered, and tell you about some of the attachments you’re gonna wanna use.

Oh and these are affiliate links btw! If you do purchase these items and this content was helpful, please use my links. You’ll pay the same price, but I will get a little commission to fuel my own sex toy shopping addition (and in turn you’ll then get more fun reviews/buying guides). It’s the circle of life, if you will 🦁

The One That I Have

Hismith Pro Sex Machine

Okay right off the bat – this 👆🏻 is the fucking machine I have (in PINK, thank you very much). I got this bad boy for Christmas 2023 (thank you, boyfriend) so I haven’t learned all her quirks yet but she’s going strong. Here’s what ppl have been asking me:

• Can you use it on the bed? Absolutely, that’s the only way I use it! It’s a very sturdy build, this is a super high quality brand. Also, the steel “legs” are adjustable. It’s hard to describe but there are way more photos on the amazon listing if you want to see what I mean. I pretty much only use this in bed from a laying down position, so I have the longer “legs” at the base which makes this lower and wider for even more stability. Though TBH the stability was never an issue in the other position either. My word of caution with the bed thing is just to keep sheets (and body parts ofc) away from the body of the machine where there’s that moving part, so nothing gets caught up! Again, this hasn’t been an issue yet but I do have to be attentive to keep my dog off the bed when it’s on so he doesn’t hurt himself!
• What are the controls like? This one has a manual control knob, a bluetooth remote, and an app. I’ll be honest, I have ONLY used the manual control knob. My dom and I had fun playing around in the app (it’s a very cool app and there’s a SHIT TON you can do with it), but when it comes down to game time I honestly just don’t need it? The knob is right there so I just use that instead and keep my phone free for other purposes. Worth noting that the app allows for long-distance control, so that would definitely be worth if if you have a long distance partner who will want to take over the controls!
• How fast can it go? Really, really fast. I’ll be honest – I’ve only used the highest setting (100) 1x, for probably less than a minute at the end of a lengthy play session when I was really relaxed. Even with a TON of lube and again a super relaxed body, while I super enjoyed it in the moment the next couple days I was a little tender and swollen from the friction. Ooof! For reference, I’ve found that speed 4 (which is literally 4% of it’s potential) is my personal sweet spot!
• Um how quiet is it? I mean… quieter than you’d think? But it’s still a literal fucking machine.
• Are there other colors? Yes! Hismith has a freakin rainbow of gorgeous colors, see them all in the above link.🩷💛🖤❤️💙💜
• Will it work with the dildos I already have? So every model from what I can see comes with a compatible dildo. That’s honestly been great for me so I haven’t bothered with the converters to use my other toys, but yes you can buy adapters to use other types of toys (like suction dildos, vacu-lock, even fleshlights teehee). More on that below!

The toy also arrives in a sweet, custom foam cut carrying case (with handles) so you can safely bring it with you on playdates or trips. As long as you don’t mind carrying it – it is heavy!

Save some $ with these alternatives

Hismith Pro Sex Machine (no app control)

So this bad boy is the same exact size, speed, everything. The only difference is the lack of app control, that’s where the $100 discount comes in. 

Tabletop Hismith Sex Machine

This “tabletop” version DOES have app control, but it’s a bit more compact. I don’t have this model so I can’t vouch for the “use on the bed” bit, but let’s just say I’d be skeptical to do that myself. The reviews and description seem to say it’s fine to do though🤷🏻

Mini/Ukelele Hismith Sex Machine

This guy is a little weaker at 70W (the top version I have is 100W,) and the “stroke length” is a bit shorter. But you do get app control, it is half the price, and it’s still a machine that can literally fuck you.

Oh and PS – if you have more questions about the specifics and differences between these models there is an amazing article from the manufacturer that breaks it down into more granular detail (with specs!)

Let’s talk Attachment Issues

Just kidding, there aren’t really issues with attachments there are SO many options, but I couldn’t resist the headline.

Suction Cup Adapter

This thing lets you use your suction cup dildos, no problem! And yes, as you can see there are many sizes available to fit whatever toys are in your collection. 

Vaculock Adapter

If you have vaculock toys, this adapter converts them to the kliclok system to be compatible with any of the hismith machines!

“Male Masturbator” Attachment

Okay this is fucking awesome! I haven’t bought this yet because honestly the fucking machine lives at my place and if my Dom is over he already has a hole to use 💀 but how fucking cool that this exists?

Reverse Suction Cup Adapter

Okay so THIS thing lets you use the dildo that comes with your fucking machine (which has a special, SUPER SECURE “kliclok” system) and use it as a normal suction cup dildo. So if you invest in more klick lock toys, you can use them in other ways outside of the machine too.

Don’t forget the lube

Personally, I’m a water-based lube girly. Like, almost exclusively I’m using water-based thick jelly-like lubes and very RARELY do I pull out the silicone stuff except for some backdoor times. But one thing I realized very quickly after having the fucking machine, is that water based lube disappears really quickly when you’re being worked at 100W machine-level speeds. BUT the dildo that comes with the machine is silicone, so a silicone lube won’t be compatible.

Considering all this, I highly recommend using a hybrid lube this this toy, ideally one that’s a little thicker and cushiony to help with the friction!

LubeLife Hybrid Lube

I use this one 👆🏻 and this is actually the FIRST and only hybrid lube I’ve ever purchased. Again, water-based is usually my thing! So I don’t know if this is the best hybrid lube in the world, but it’s working much better than water lube in this scenario and the texture doesn’t make me want to gag or anything, so, this works! But speaking of gagging, it’s not an amazing taste. Maybe use something else for BJs.

OKAY DUDE, I hope this helped!! I have ALL the things from this email compiled into an Amazon list so the only link you need is this one.

Happy fucking!